Well this is constant, I am still in the midst of Self Discovery. I love it! I think I know what I like to do, eat, watch, etc.. and then BANG! I try something different and I learn something new about myself. I have become comfortable exploring the unknown and developing my capacity for self-awareness.
I am fascinated by how quickly transformation occurs, when you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Cancer was cathartic for me. When you are told that you are dying. Life becomes the most precious asset in the world. You would pay anything to buy it. You would do anything to attain it, well that was how I felt anyway. I refused to give up on myself. My biggest fear was that I had never lived, never really experienced life in a way that I have loved. I was tenacious in my pursuit to restore my health, hence the name Tenacious Butterfly!
My cancer journey humbled me and gave me a new perspective on how I view my life, and it sparked a hunger to understand what really makes me tick (in other words, it made me want to look into my own character). I found myself answering out of habit to habitual question like how was your day? “Fine” which means nothing, what is fine? I didn’t really mean fine, obviously I have opinions of how my day was but I never really delved into why my automatic response was typically fine.
Do you have an automatic response to certain questions, things or people? I think we all have, on some level.
My self-discovery journey has been helping to uncover some of them. I love it! I’ve also started to uncover how I show up in the world which has been interesting, I have begun to release expectations on myself and others and fully be present in each experience.
My children are now teenagers and they are very open with their views and it has been mind blowing to really listen to how they see me. Some of it has been hard to hear, but good because it has served as data about me, and in the knowing I have been able to adjust my communication with them so that they have a clearer understanding on how I see things and why I am saying or behaving in a particular way.
Exploring my own character has empowered me to take charge of who I am and enriched my interactions with people. As quick as I point a finger towards someone else I also look at my own contribution to the situation, and I was never like that before.
I was always so quick to look for answers outside of myself, but never looked inwards.
Before Cancer I had lost sight of my true authentic self and I am thankful that I am no longer searching aimlessly trying to find myself.
How many of you have ever felt the need to find yourself? Where are you looking? STOP! You are not lost, spend some time with yourself, doing things you are passion about, whatever they may be. Embark on new experiences, join new communities, meet new people and you will discover parts of your character that you dismissed or never even knew existed.
Life is beautiful.